First Setback

Winter was slowly settling in and it snowed in December after thanksgiving. Till thanksgiving everything was going ok. I won’t say that I was happy with my progress or studies. Unfortunately, I was taking studies lightly. I spent most of my precious time in doing nothing or doing that’s not worth. Parties and chitchat was common. But, after midterm exams I got my first setback. I used to think that, because I knew complex numbers in details from my undergraduate education, I will manage to get good score (I must confess here that I ignored warning of the professor, that, attendance has 10 % points to be counted finally) I was still bunking classes in between mainly due to laziness and ignorance. Vibrations and Acoustics was a complex subject, actually when i think of it today, I think I shouldn’t have taken that subject, as it has nothing to do with my aspired direction of career. Still here also I was not giving my 100%. And finally Advanced CAD Principles, I was doing something in this subject because, I liked the subject. But, then again not my 100%. Overall, I blame myself for the situation I created for myself and I still regret that.

For the new students, it is essential that you leave the Indian techniques of studying back in India. In USA only hard work and true knowledge works. Mugging up things do not help at all.

It is hard to put it in words but while enjoying my life till December, there was something that kept me thinking. Something in subconscious mind that, something is not right. Something bad is going to happen. Some kind of downfall is awaiting me. Any sane and logical person can sense if there is any danger ahead due to his/her own deeds. I could judge that I was doing somethings wrong but was not in any mood to change my habits. Alas destiny forced me to do it in January. We got results of midterm examinations. I got B in Vibrations, B in Adv CAD but an F in Complex Number. In simple terms I failed in the examination! This was a shock to me, even today I put it in my worst nightmares till date. An F!? Now what?

For a day or two I did not understand what to do. Brain was numb, I did attend the classes but my mind was not there. Unfortunately, I couldn’t tell my parents about it straightforward. What was I going to explain? There was nothing to explain. I failed simple! I was wandering around the campus like a ghost, and irrelevant dumb ass who failed. No one around me got anything less that A grades in their examinations, I was the only one to get an F. And like Shakespeare said, when sorrow comes it doesn’t come like a spy of an enemy it comes like a whole battalion! I met so many depressing people in those days, who did not encourage me at all rather injected fear in my mind (I would have punched them if they had met me in India.), that when you get a C grade as an International student you go on probation and you might also get deported if you get more than on C grades. It shook me from the core. I was completely frightened of the thought I will get deported back to India because I failed in examination. I would be utter shame, disgrace and embarrassment for me and my parents. Those times, I will never forget. Himanshu, did give me some moral support. But, those words ‘you might get deported’ danced in my brain like devil. Oh, that fear..

Finally, I gathered some courage and went straight to Carmina Ariola, International Student Advisor. I told her about my position and also about my fears. She said that, it is not a good thing to get C grades as International student. Of course there is some kind of probation but, University might cancel your admission if you F grades. I asked if I can drop the subject at that moment. For new students, it is possible to drop a subject from your chosen list at any moment. But, after one month or so, or sometimes after midterm if you drop the subject, the final grade for that subject will come up as F. So be mindful of the subjects you choose for the semester. I think on that particular day god wanted me to rethink about my approach. Anyone could read my face and see that I am afraid. I thought she will say, drop the subject. But, to the contrary she gave one of the most important advise to me, which I cannot forget till the time I live.

She said, “See Rohit, as it is if you drop the subject you will get an F grade. With one F grade nobody will deport you, but, it won’t show good on your resume at all. This is just the midterm. You still have half the semester to improve your performance. So, why not take a chance and work hard? You have nothing to loose here. Think of it. May be you will get a C grade, which is still better than F grade. Isn’t it?” These were the first encouraging word I heard for many days by then. I was not in mental condition to think of her or the situation at that time. But, today when I think of it, I believe god did not want me to quit, the supreme power asked Carmina to give his words to me. You may look at my explanation with skepticism, but, I am an theist, I do believe in God or the Supreme Power whatever you want to call it. I believe everything in this world happens for a reason. At that time Carmina for me was some kind of messenger.

I went back to my apartment. I sat down on the floor for some hours. There was something different in my attitude. That day I talked with my mother about what has happened. She also, said do whatever necessary and try hard. That day I slept whole night. Next day, I went to meet my professor to confess that I was honest in my studies. He said that, this is not end of the world. I can still try, work harder and still manage to get better grade. I will cut the story short and will say with pride that I scored an Ace in 200 points final exam, I finished all my homework with excellent numbers and got A grade in Complex Numbers! My final tally was Complex Numbers – A, Vibrations – C and adv CAD Principles -B. Hence GPA 3.0 I had survived.. Since then I did not take any course lightly.

Even today sometimes my dreams bring back those times right in front of my face and I wake up sweating. Then I look around and I tell myself “Everything is fine now!”